AsSoRtEd

This is a cool collection of some of my finest thoughts.

Friday, January 18, 2008

ફાલતુ’ સવાલોના ‘ફાલતુ’ જવાબો

મંદિરના પગથીયા ઉતરતા હોઈએ ત્યારે કોઈક સામે મળે ને પૂછે: “કેમ? દર્શન કરી આવ્યા?”
“ના. મંદિરમાં અંદર લાઈન મારવા ગયો હતો!”
***
ધંધામાં છું એટલે લોકો પૂછે છે: “ક્યા? દાલ રોટી નીકલતી હૈ?”
મને જવાબ આપવાની ઈચ્છા થઈ જાય છેઃ “દાલ નીકલતી હૈ, રોટી પડોસ મેં સે લાતે હૈ!”
***
સવારે તૈયાર થઈ બ્રીફકેસ લઈ ઘરેથી બહાર નીકળીએ, પડોસી પૂછેઃ “શું નોકરી પર જાવ છો?”
“ના. બગીચામાં આંટો મારવા નીકળ્યો છુ!”
***
દીકરીના લગન પછી… “શું દીકરી ને વરાવી?”
“ના.., આ તો હવાફેર કરવા એના સાસરે ગઈ છે!”
***
” શું દીકરાને પરણાવી આવ્યા?”
” ના.., ના, આ તો બાજુના ગામમાંથી સાતફેરા ફેરવીને, મંગલસુત્ર પહેરાવીને, વીંટી પહેરાવીને અને છેડા બાંધીને ઓળખીતાની દીકરીને ઘરે લઈ આવ્યા!”
***
કાકાને વરંડામાં ચા પીતાં જોઈ ને… ” શું કાકા ચા પીવો છો?”
” ના.., રકાબી ચાટું છું!”
***
હોસ્પીટલમાં દાખલ કરેલ દર્દી વિશે પૂછતાં… ”કેમ? હોસ્પીટલમાં? તબીયત નરમ ગરમ રહે છે?”
” ના.., ના.., આ તો નર્સો પર લાઈનો મારવાની ઈચ્છા થયેલ એટલે થયું કે દાખલ થઈ જ જાઉં!”

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Gujarat, the Growth Engine of India

Jeetega Gujarat!!!

Situated in western India and bordering Pakistan, Gujarat is among India's most prosperous states.
Its per capita GDP is 2.4 times the Indian average. Gujarat 's GDP growth rate is 10.6% and India can not achieve 8 percent Growth rate without Gujarat getting closer to 12% growth rate.If it was a nation it would have been 67th richest nation in the world above many European and Asian economies like Taiwan and Ukraine .Gujarat holds many records in India for economic development: · 20% of India 's Industrial Output · 80% of India 's Diamond Production · 9% of India 's Mineral Production · 50% of India 's Natural Gas Production· 54% of India 's Crude Oil Production · 22% of India 's exports · 24% of India 's textile production · 45% of India 's pharmaceutical products · 35% of India 's Sponge Iron Production· 47% of India 's petrochemical Production
The world's largest ship breaking yard is in Gujarat near Bhavnagar at Alang. Reliance Petroleum Limited, one of the group companies of Reliance Industries Limited founded by Dhirubhai Ambani operates the oil refinery at Jamnagar which is the world's largest grass roots refineries. Gujarat ranks first nationwide in gas-based thermal electricity generation with national market share of over 8% and second nationwide in nuclear electricity generation with national market share of over 1%. Over 20% of the S&P CNX 500 conglomerates have corporate offices in Gujarat Over 35% of the stock market wealth of India is with Gujarati People. In recent Forbes magazine list of 10 richest Indian people four are Gujarati - Mukesh Ambani, Anil Ambani, Azim Premji and Tulsi Tanti Over 60% of Indian Population in North America is Gujarati. An average income of a Gujarati family in North America is three times more than the average income of an American family. Gujarat is having the longest sea shore compared to any other Indian state Gujarat is having the highest no. of operating airports in India (Total 12). India's 16% of Investment are from Gujarat .. Gujarat is having highest no. of vegetarian people compared to any other state in India .. The first ALL VEG PIZZA-HUT was opened in Ahmedabad Ahmedabad – the commercial capital of Gujarat is the seventh largest city in India .. Surat is the fastest growing city in the world. Gandhinagar is the Greenest Capital City in whole AsiaIndian Institute of Management, Ahmedabad(IIMA) is Asia's 1st and world's 45th ranked management college located in Ahmedabad, Gujarat Gujarat is the safest state as the Crime rate of it is 8.2 which is the least in India even after considering 2002 communal riots, stated by India Today 2005 report. Gujarat is having least crime against women among all Indian states (excluding Goa ) where AP is 1st, Delhi is 2nd , Bihar is 3rd , Zarakhand is 4th and UP is 5th. Ahmedabad which is the seventh largest city in India is the lowest in crime rate among all Tier-I and Tier-II cities of India as per National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) report. Ahmedabad is ranked 2nd in Real Estate - Ahead of Bangalore ,Chennai, Hyderabad , Mumbai & Delhi. Ahmedabad is ranked 3rd in Policy Initiatives - Ahead of Bangalore, Chennai, Calcutta , Mumbai & Delhi.Ahmedabad is ranked 4th in Manpower - Ahead of Bangalore ,Chennai, Mumbai & Delhi. Percent of man-days lost in Gujarat due to labor strike are lowest in country - just 0.52%It is the first state to implement the BOT law for encouraging private sector participation The first state to have to fully functional LNG terminalGujarat has 33 approved SEZsGujarat is the first state to interconnect 20 riversIt is the first state to provide uninterrupted 24hr 2 phase electricity to all villages It is the only state with statewide gas gridIt is currently implementing statewide water distribution grid that will connect all 14,000 villages and all cities)It has largest e-governance network in Asia Pacific Its agricultural production has been increased four-fold in five years (from USD 2 Billion in 2001-2002 to 7.5 Billion in 2005-2006)In every corner of Gujarat, within the range of 25 KMs there is a development going on. Operation WHITE FLOOD (MILK) was initiated in Gujarat by Dr. Kurien which took India in 1998 (may be 1999) to become highest milk producer in the world.Consumption of GOLD in Gujarat is highest in India ..Largest number of immigration & emigration is done from Gujarat . Also highest Numbers of passports are issued from Gujarat.
Baroda gas project - bringing natural gas to every home - More than 35 years ago they installed pipelines to bring natural gas to every kitchen. I think that was an amazing feat.AMUL - NDDB & Dr. Kurian - another achievement for Gujarat - it was just fantastic to see how they collected milk early morning from every village in Gujarat . The villagers would line up at 3 in the morning at the milk collection centers!!! What a sight!

According to a recent study by the Reserve Bank of India, the country's central bank, Gujarat stood first in the country with investments of US$17.8 billion in 2006-07 or 25.8% of India 's total investment of $69 billion during the year. The southern state of Andhra Pradesh stood a distant second having attracted $6.1 billion in 2006-07. Gujarat moved up from second place in 2005-06 having tripled its investments in a year. A report in Times of India describes the Gulf of Kutch as India's " Gulf of Riches". Four top business houses - Reliance Industries, Essar Group, Adani Group and Tata Group, have invested about $34 billion along the Gulf of Kutch's 700-kilometer long coastline. Other corporate, which had invested over $3.26 billion since the 2001 earthquake have investments worth another $19.5 billion in the pipeline. Ten special economic zones (SEZs) near Jamnagar , a 4000-megawatt power project and five private shipyards are coming up. And massive expansion is being undertaken of the Mundra and Kandla ports. Gujarat's 41 ports handle 80% of India's port traffic and 20% of its cargo. It is estimated that by 2015, Gujarat's ports will handle 39% of India 's cargo. Not only has Gujarat unseated Maharashtra as India 's number one investment destination but also, it is threatening to dislodge Mumbai, Maharashtra 's capital and the financial and business capital of India, as the trade gateway to the country. Mundra port where Indian Oil Corporation and Hindustan Petroleum are setting up giant oil storage capacities has already emerged as India's largest private oil storage tank farm. Sixty percent of India's coal imports enter via Mundra port. Mundra's importance is likely to soar further with the completion of mega power plants being set up by Adanis and Tatas. The volume of cargo handled by Mundra and Kandla ports alone has outstripped that handled by Mumbai's ports - the Mumbai Port Trust and the Jawaharlal Nehru Port Trust. And now Gujarat is nursing ambitions of dislodging Mumbai as India 's financial hub. Its government recently announced the setting up of an international financial services center, the Gujarat International Finance Tech-City with an investment outlay of $6 billion in Ahmedabad.

Forbes Magazine published list of Top 20 Self-Made Business-Men from Asia. The list includes 6 men from India and out of 6 three are Gujarati - Tulsi Tanti, Gautam Adani and Uday Kotak

40 Funny Quotes and Thoughts

" Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"

"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper."

"If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark."

"Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf."

"An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing."

"Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do?Turn out the lights! "

"I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier."

"The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things."

"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."

"Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference."

"The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot; The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius. "

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Black or White

Nominated by UN as the best Poem - Written by an African Kid
When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in Sun, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black

And you white fellow
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you grey
And you calling me colored??